Who is your wedding for?
Here's the best advice I can give you for planning your wedding:
Figure out who the wedding is for.
That may sound silly or too obvious, but there are a few things to consider here that many people don't think about until they're in the thick of planning, and sometimes it's too late! So give these things a ponder:
Who is paying?
Is it important to please your Parents/Adults?
Is this to impress peers or to look good on social media?
Is this to meet your dreams? (did those dreams come from peers or the adults in your life?)
To start, weddings cost money, y'all. We can't get around that. They don't have to cost much money, but even if you're just running down to the courthouse, you'll have to pay for your License! So ask yourself - who is paying for this? If it's you, that makes some of these decisions easier - it's your (and your partner's) money, and you can pretty much do whatever you want with it.
Tension can arise if other people are paying, covering most of the cost, or even just chipping in a little. Money can come with both implied and stated expectations.
If grandparents are paying, are they going to be offended if you play explicit music at the reception?
If mom and dad are paying, what are their feelings about alcohol?
If we're paying, what can we actually afford?
Even if you're paying for the whole thing, people close to you can feel an unwarranted sense of propriety over the direction of your ceremony and party. You may find yourself asking if it's worth it to upset someone or cause distress in a relationship rather than just going with the flow. As a Certified People Pleaser (TM), I get that inclination. As someone who has gotten married, been to a lot of weddings, and Officited a number of ceremonies, I can't tell you how important it is to the smooth flow of your wedding day to decide who your wedding is for and to make all of your decisions in that framework.
Aside from whether or not they're contributing financially, the adults in our lives (people who raised us, trusted and loved relatives, etc.) can often feel entitled to having a say in an event as big as our wedding. Depending on your relationship with them, this can feel welcome or overwhelming (sometimes both)! You need to decide how much you'll let them speak into the planning process and how to communicate those boundaries to them.
It’s ok to admit, even if just to yourself and your partner, that you want your wedding to look good. Why wouldn’t you? It may just be “one day in your life,” but the hope is that it’s a day in your journey together that you’ll remember and be able to share with loved ones for years to come. My encouragement is to consider what it means to you for your wedding to look good. You don’t have to plan and design the day and the space just to make it look Instagram or Pinterest perfect!
Remember that your wedding should reflect the people it represents—you and your partner! Many people have been planning and thinking about their wedding day for a long time; it can be a dream come true. The question to ask yourself is, whose dream is it? There’s nothing wrong with letting the influence of others or trends be part of your preparations, but if they don’t serve you, set them aside!
That can all feel overwhelming. How are you supposed to hold all those things simultaneously and still feel like you’re getting the experience you want? Come back on Thursday when we’ll talk about picking a Bad Guy for your wedding.
Please consider sharing this with anyone you know who is in the process of planning a wedding as they may find it valuable.